Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
