So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
