you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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