last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
