Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
