He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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