i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
