Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
