What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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