i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
