the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
