You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
