just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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