I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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