ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
