When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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