I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
