Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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