i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
