time to smoke my breakfast
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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