don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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