The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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