four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
