Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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