i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
