Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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