ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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