Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
