I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm passing your future prison.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
