Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
