my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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