I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
