i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
