Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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