Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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