OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
