I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
