i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
