your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
