are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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