So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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