no, he came in my armpit
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
