This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
