last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
