Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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