Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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