You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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