She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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