Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
