It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
