Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
