I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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