A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
