I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
