I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
